Humpday Hilarities (cont’d)

I couldn’t resist sharing just one more today:

Truck for Sale

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream, ‘Where did you get that truck???!!!’ He calmly told them, ‘I bought it today.’

‘With what money?’ demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet Avalanche cost.

‘Well,’ said the boy, ‘this one cost me just fifteen dollars.’ So the parents began to yell even louder. ‘Who would sell a truck like that for fifteen dollars?’ they said.

‘It was the lady up the street,’ said the boy. I don’t know her name they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars.’

‘Oh my Goodness!,’ moaned the mother, she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what’s going on.’ So the boy’s father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she ha d sold a new Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.

‘Well,’ she said, ‘this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he had run off to Hawaii with his mistress and really doesn’t intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and needed cash, and asked me to sell his new Chevrolet Avalanche and send him the money. So I did.’

(Are women good or what?)

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funny bits come courtesy of my mother:

How to Tell the Sex of a Fly

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. ‘What are you doing?’ she asked.

‘Hunting flies,’ he responded.

‘Oh. Killing any?’ she asked.

‘Yep, 3 males, 2 females,’ he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, ‘How can you tell them apart?’

He responded, ‘3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone!’

How the Government Works

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.’

Chuck replied, ‘Well, then just give me my money back.’

The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.’

Chuck said, ‘Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.’

The farmer asked, ‘What ya gonna do with him?

Chuck said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’

The farmer said, ‘You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!’

Chuck said, ‘Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.’

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, ‘What happened with that dead donkey?’

Chuck said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00.’

The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’

Chuck said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.’

Chuck grew up and now works for the government.

Go ahead and kiss it, goodbye

I called Charter first thing this morning and swapped our phone and internet over to them. Our internet will be installed first thing in the morning, so that’s way cool. The phone will be swapped over in a few days, and will have many more features for the price we’ll be paying than what BellSloth/AT&T was offering.

Saving money is good, mmmkay?

Even better, Charter is handling the number transfer and canceling the BellSloth/AT&T stuff for us. Hooray, hooray, no more stupid forms or digital signage.

Oh, and the faster speeds will be WAY sweet.

Work seems to be settling down just the tiniest bit, but I’m sure that’s because a good many of my clients are out of town and/or on vacation. Works for me! This frees me up to plan our next excursion:

Heehee heehee heehee! I’ve been bookmarking, saving, and printing every single map, tourist guide, etc. that I can find. I’m so excited, I can’t wait! :mrgreen:

Seems I spoke too soon…

Book pimpage

A blog I’ve been following for quite some time is White Trash Mom. It’s definitely a funny-bone tickler and is usually one of my “first reads” every day. It’s chocked full of amusing stories and advice for those of us who would most likely not appear on the cover of “Model Parent” magazine. Oh, and let’s not forget the encounters with those pretentious Muffias!

Anyways, there’s a book due out next week and I wanted to throw out a little book pimpage for WTM:

If the book is even half as good as the blog, it’ll be a real stitch!

See what happens?

Things at work have been “hairy” to say the least. I haven’t been able to post about it without divulging sensitive information, so I’ve had to bitch and moan about it to Jim mainly. (God bless him for that!) One of my biggest complaints lately have been that I haven’t been doing the job I was hired to do — design. For the past year, year and a half, I’ve been doing mainly support and “web gopher” (meaning go to this page, update this, etc.). I haven’t been designing much. Sure, I do a little in my spare time, but lately that’s been pretty much nonexistent.

I did get pulled off for a quick side project a few weeks ago. A client’s husband (who happens to be one of the deans here at UAB) needed a “quick” website for a seminar he was giving in Egypt. I met with him and discussed his needs. He was very sweet and pretty much gave me full reign to do what I wanted with his site. (which was VERY refreshing to say the least!) In just a few hours time, I re-designed his site and moved all of the old content over and updated as needed. He was wow’d. The following week I received a very nice email of praise, cc’d to my bosses and the head of our division.

Sweet.

Upon reading the email, my boss chuckled and said, “See? See what happens when you leave a designer alone long enough to actually let her do her JOB?”

Needless to say, I wish I could work with him more than my actual clients, LOL! I mean, not only did I get a very nice “thanks” out of it, he also sent me several goodies from his organization, including a set of nice promotional pens.

Freebies = GOOD! :mrgreen:

Addons update

I noticed that at some point over the weekend, the latest version of my MonstersGame: Vampires vs Werewolves Menu addon was approved. YAY!

My mc chris Website Menu Navigation addon is still pending, but anyone who would like the updated version can scroll down and click “See All Versions” to see the pending update. (It will be marked as ‘experimental’ until it’s approved by the AMO team!)

I’m almost finished with the re-write for my MonstersGame addon, but I doubt I’ll be doing much to the mc chris one. I’ve been toying around with ideas for a couple other addons, but will need some permissions first for content/use (one of which includes a small business opportunity hopefully!).

I’ll post more info later!

Fried pickle foolery

As a reward for helping him with his blog upgrade (read: snafu) last week, Jim took me out Saturday to my favorite restaurant, Cajun Steamer. I am absolutely enamored with their red beans and rice and my new favorite deep fried delicacy: fried pickles. I’ve tried those at several other places and IMO, nobody beats “the Steamer.” A close second would be the fried pickle spears at Porky’s Pride in Fultondale. (they have GREAT bbq!)

So yeah, I’m a fried pickle eating fool … maybe one of these days I’ll buy a deep fryer and start making my own. (I like ‘em spicy!)

Our internet has been doing going up and down for the last week or so, plus there’s been a lot of static on the line when we used the phone. This weekend we bought a new router (found that the old one was fine), several replacement splitters and panels for the phone connection in the living room (those were probably fine as well), replaced the phone line (well, that was probably needed), and finally found that when we unplugged the kitchen phone the static stopped and the internet connection seemed to stabilize.

Weird.

So with the internet connection back to somewhat normal, Jim was a happy camper and spent most of yesterday playing Conan. Me, I had a persistent headache — complete with nausea and dizziness, so I did a little cleaning, but spent most of the day lying in bed. Luckily, I don’t get these often. My migraine pain meds did little for the headache and because I was so nauseous, I didn’t eat (which usually just makes the headache worse). Ugh.

I seriously wouldn’t wish this upon anyone … except maybe the idiot neighbor who decided to let his dog yip for 6 freakin’ hours straight!

I don’t think I went to sleep until after 2 am this morning. Unfortunately the only things on tv at that hour are infomercials for anything from Proactiv acne cream to ‘magical’ body slimmers to Girls Gone Wild. Ugh. Lucky for me, Jim had just picked up a copy of last season’s The Closer dvd set, so I watched that instead.

So today I’m making a point to stay hopped up on caffeine just so I can stay awake. ;P

Firefox addons updates

I know I said I would never update my old extensions, but I had a request from a user that tugged at my heart. A young man wrote to me pleading for an update to my MonstersGame: Vampires vs Werewolves Menu addon. Apparently his brother is stationed somewhere overseas and has access to the internet; they both play MG and have been keeping in touch that way.

What could I say except, “Ok, just for you two … ”

Updating the extension proved to be a little more work than I first thought. So much has changed from 2.x to 3. After wrestling with it for the last couple days, I’ve finally got a working version to upload to AMO.

The skinning isn’t working, so that’ll have to wait until the next release. But for now, my addons rest in the capable hands of the AMO reviewers and editors.

Humpday Hilarities

I have a couple good ones for today, so let’s start off with this from the lovely Miranda:

I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling. Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95-year old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, ‘He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.’

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people that were nearly 100 years old, having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

‘Oh, no, my dear,’ replied granny. ‘Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding, and out on the Dong.’

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, ‘He’d still be alive today if that ice cream truck hadn’t come along.’

And this one from my Cotillion sister, Debra:

An email from Ireland to the brethren in the States…a point to ponder despite your political affiliation:

“We, in Ireland, can’t figure out why people are even bothering to hold an election in the United States. On one side, you have a pants wearing lawyer, married to a lawyer who can’t keep his pants on, who just lost a long and heated primary against a lawyer who goes to the wrong church who is married to yet another lawyer who doesn’t even like the country her husband wants to run.

Now, on the other side, you have a nice old war hero whose name starts with the appropriate ‘Mc’ terminology married to a good looking younger woman who owns a beer distributorship.

What in Lord’s name are ye lads thinking over there in the colonies?”

Next Page »