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Where’s June?

Wow … it’s the end of June already. Almost July. Where has my time gone?

I’ve had lots happen over the past few months, but honestly can sum everything up in a few short sentences: things are mostly better.

Both Jim and I have been recommended to attend separate counseling, which we plan to once we’re financially able. (apparently our insurance only pays for so many sessions, then the rest WE are responsible for) Jim’s still looking for a job, but we are getting by.

Jessie is transforming more and more into a young lady every day, everyone we know has commented on how much she’s grown and how much older she looks already. You can’t help but notice that she acts older … she looks and talks like any typical teenage girl. As a mother, I couldn’t be prouder. But there’s something I’ve noticed this summer … I’ve noticed HER being noticed. Mostly by boys around her age — and a few older (who earn a VERY sharp warning look from me when I catch them! ).

I told Jim that we should start stockpiling ammunition. We’re going to need it.

Work has gotten busier. Every time I think that it couldn’t possibly get any more hectic, it does. But that’s good I suppose. Every time I take a day off, I come back to what looks like the aftermath of a tornado, or perhaps a hurricane.

It’s nice to know I’m missed.

Things are busy, but overall better than they have been. I’m thankful — I have a job, a loving family, and am blessed with wonderful friends. All that’s missing is a new house and some new big black combat boots.

Met with the counselor…

I think it went well, but am drained and tired. Jim’s being quiet, but I’m not taking that as a bad sign as we both aired a lot of things in our session. According to the counselor, our issues are fixable and the fact that we WANT to fix them “is huge,” so I’m taking that as a good sign. He wants to see us again next week, and suggested maybe we each get separate sessions as well … we’ll see on that. But for the meantime, slow and steady as we go.

I’m more hopeful … and apparently I’m not as broken as I thought I was. My therapist says so.

I’ll post more later, I promise.

One step forward, two steps back

I had originally intended to post this last week:

For a while I really believed we were headed in the right direction. Maybe we were … but now we are almost back to where we were last November. At least this time he’s agreeing to see someone about our problems.

Jim and I had a “talk” last week. Though things had progressed in a good direction for a little while, it seems that we aren’t doing much better than we were last year. Last weekend we had a fight and I think I’ve cried almost every day for nearly two weeks. But Jim DID agree to see a counselor with me this time. We have an appointment Tuesday.

I’m sick of being in this emotional limbo. I’m sick of crying. I’m sick of uncertainty. I’m sick of having to hold it together just long enough to make it to work every day, or be around family and friends and not be a total basketcase. I’m sick of being afraid that I’m losing my husband.

I’m nervous and scared — and I think I’m most afraid that I won’t have enough strength for the both of us this time.

A Pleasant Surprise …

These beauties were waiting on me when I got in tonight:

What a sweet hubby I have.

I’m on a treadmill

Ever feel like you’re doing lots of running, but going nowhere? Yeah that’s been me lately!

I know things have been a little too quiet on here over the past few months. Rest assured, overall things are better … not outstanding, but better than they were. Things between me and Jim are a lot better. We’re not “fixed” by any means, but we’re talking a lot more, fighting less, and things have moved forward in a positive light. In fact, we’re actually working on the house again and hope to have it back on the market pretty soon.

We’ve order new furniture — I’m REALLY excited about that! We’re getting a new couch and a “lift top” coffee table. It’s basically a normal-looking table where the top lifts up, to like a dining or normal utility table. My mother-in-law has one and I have always LOVED hers. I had no idea that these things are available pretty much anywhere, you just needed to ask for it by that name. So I’m stoked!

Geekery

With our tax return money, Jim’s upgraded his PC with a smokin’ hawt processor and two new graphics cards. Me, I got a new laptop — an Asus G72Gx-X1. It’s an Intel quad-core with 6Gb of RAM on Windows 7 64-bit. It has a nice 17″ screen and 640Gb of storage space (more than enough to store my old data and anything new I need). I still need to replace my old backup drive that ate itself (lucky me, my husband recovered everything!), but am so far really pleased with my setup. It’s very shiny and HAWT!

hehehe, I can’t wait to show it off at the next LAN party!

I’ve been really happy with Asus’ laptops over the years. My old one is going to Jessie, so of course she’s excited. This also helps as a motivational tool with her grades. So far, she has done REALLY well this year and has stayed on the Honor Roll. We talked to her before letting her know that my old laptop would be hers, and expressed quite plainly that if her grades fell, this would be one of the first privileges taken away. It’s tons faster/newer than her old tower PC (my old green monster, sniff!) and would handle Aion so much better, so she’s really stoked about that!

Jess and I spend a lot of time in Aion nowadays. Jim reached level 50 on his main and “took a break” — meaning he got bored with it and will probably come back when the 1.9-2.0 patches come out. Me, I’m still loving every minute of it. Jess too — she’s already maxed out on alts, LOL! I joined a really great guild named Rogue. They are pretty active and laid back and even have both Asmodian and Elyos members, so it’s pretty cool to chat on their forums and vent with players from both factions.

Work stuff

Things at work have gotten busier. Hehe, I didn’t think that was possible. I’ve gained new responsibilities, which is a good thing, but I’m tons busier now than I was so that means pretty much no free time at work. Oh well, the pay is nice and I really like my work environment. My co-workers are good people and am learning tons, so that all makes it worth it in the grand scheme of things.

There are times that I miss UAB … but hearing from friends about how things are now, I’m glad (overall) that I’m no longer in that mess.

Jim’s still looking. The IT market here is still a huge sucking black hole, but I’m seeing more jobs in the paper now than there were 6-9 months ago, so I’m taking that as a good sign. Of course Jim’s over-qualified for 99% of them and so I think that’s why he doesn’t get any call-backs.

I think sometimes he resents me because I’m working and he’s not. Had I known then what I know now, I would have insisted HE interview for my job and me stay at home. Oh well, him being at home has been a real blessing. Jessie loves spending more time with him — and it means that on days where we have her, she doesn’t have to deal with her mother at all.

She and her mother aren’t getting along any better. I think she “endures” her mother as best she can (and can relate), so we try not to be too hard on her when she and her mom have spats. Her mother isn’t the easiest woman to get along with and considering her mother’s mental state and past history, Jessie does a damned fine job if you ask me. I see a lot of my father in her mother, and pray like Hell that she grows up to be better than me, than how I turned out.

I think she will be. Jessie’s very strong-willed and she amazes me every day with how smart and perceptive she is. She’s getting tall too. I can’t believe she’ll be 13 soon. Seems like only yesterday she was 4 years old and running around my house casting Harry Potter spells.

She was SO CUTE!

She’s already wearing makeup and having her monthly visitor. She’s more into boys and video games than cartoons and karate now. And like I mentioned before, she’s doing very well in school. She has new friends that she texts almost every day. She’s blossoming into a wholly new little person and I feel blessed to be able to just be part of her life and to see it happening.

I tell her all the time that she and Jim were the best thing to ever happen to me. I don’t think she believes me, hehe.

More family stuff

Things between me and my father have digressed pretty much back to not-speaking. My mother and I are getting along better, as long as we avoid certain topics … like my husband, and him not working. If I bring Jim up in conversation, she changes the subject.

Ah, just like old times …

I don’t think I really talked about Thanksgiving and Christmas on here. Things were bad enough because of the problems Jim and I are having … and I think they were made worse with our visits to my family. Both Thanksgiving and Christmas my father ignored us. I mean sitting down in another room, pretending to be oblivious to anyone or anything around him, not speaking to any of us when we spoke to him, ignoring us. Both holidays, we went over there and that’s what he did — he went into the TV room, sat in “his” chair and said nothing to any of us. What pissed me off was that when my brother and his family came over, he would get up, be lively and interact with them, and as soon as they left, he went back to his chair in that room.

I was humiliated, and furious. And quite honestly am thinking of not seeing my parents any more during the holidays. I know that doing this will hurt my mother, and will probably damage our relationship further; but I cannot and will not continue to be ignored, looked down upon, or have my family be treated like we’re a bunch of second-rate citizens. Honestly, just thinking about it right now is raising my blood pressure and making me very angry.

Maybe I still have unresolved issues. Maybe my father is just an asshole. Either way, I’ve decided not to put my husband and daughter, whom I love more than life itself, through that any more.

So, how are you doing?

A few of you I’ve heard from off the blog. I really miss interacting with everyone and would love to hear how y’all are doing. Please feel free to comment below, or just holler at me via email!

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funny is courtesy of my mother:

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code.

3. Dachshund: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp!

4. Rottweiler: Make me.

5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

7. German Shepherd: I’ll change it as soon as I’ve led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven’t missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

8. Jack Russell Terrier: I’ll just pop it in while I’m bouncing off the walls and furniture.

9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I’m sorry, but I don’t see a light bulb!

10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

11. Chihuahua : Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or ‘We don’t need no stinking light bulb.’

12. Greyhound: It isn’t moving. Who cares?

13. Australian Shepherd: First, I’ll put all the light bulbs in a little circle…

14. Poodle: I’ll just blow in the Border Collie’s ear and he’ll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?

Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: ‘How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?’

All of which proves, once again, that while dogs have masters, cats have staff!

Humpday Hilarities

I had a particularly hard day at work yesterday and totally wasn’t feeling the funny vibe. This video is something that my adorable husband posted to lift my spirits. It worked, and is my funnies entry for this week. Anyone who’s ever done tech support or even customer support I’m sure could relate to this.

Note: may be a bit NSFW (hand gestures and a couple words) so you may want to keep the volume down.

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funnies are courtesy of my mother:

Signs

Sign over a Gynecologist’s Office:

“Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”

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In a Podiatrist’s office:

“Time wounds all heels.”

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On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday’s Meals on Wheels

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At a Proctologist’s door:

“To expedite your visit, please back in.”

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On a Plumber’s truck:

“We repair what your husband fixed.”

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On another Plumber’s truck:

” Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”

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On a Church’s Bill board:

“7 days without God makes one weak.”

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At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :

“Invite us to your next blowout.”

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At a Towing company:

“We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”

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On an Electrician’s truck:

“Let us remove your shorts.”

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In a Nonsmoking Area:

“If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”

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On a Maternity Room door:

“Push. Push. Push.”

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At an Optometrist’s Office:

“If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”

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On a Taxidermist’s window:

“We really know our stuff.”

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On a Fence:

“Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!”

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At a Car Dealership:

“The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.”

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Outside a Muffler Shop:

“No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”

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In a Veterinarian’s waiting room:

“Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

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At the Electric Company

“We would be delighted if you send in your payment.

However, if you don’t, you will be.”

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In a Restaurant window:

” Don ‘t stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”

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In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

“Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

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At a Propane Filling Station:

“Thank heaven for little grills.”

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And don’t forget the sign at a CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:

“Best place in town to take a leak.”

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Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
“Caution – This Truck is full of Political Promises”

Spaghetti Tacos

As I was standing in front of my pantry last night waiting for culinary inspiration to hit me, Jessie made a suggestion for dinner: spaghetti tacos. She had gotten the idea from a recent episode of iCarly. At first I laughed (the show really is cute and I like to watch it with her), but the more I thought about it, the more I thought that it sounded pretty darned tasty! Granted, I cheated and used pre-made items, but it turned out great so I thought I’d share in case anyone else is looking for a new spin on an old family favorite.

You’ll need:

Jar of your favorite spaghetti sauce (or make your own)
Your favorite pasta
1 box of your favorite taco shells
Meat of choice, or meatballs
Cheese and/or other toppings of choice.

Steps:

Cook your pasta according to package directions. I made approximately 8 servings, using a mix of “regular” and wheat thin spaghetti noodles. This ensured that I would have made enough for everyone to get their fill, and would have plenty leftover for me to take with me the next morning for lunch! Next time I may use some medium-sized shells or perhaps angel hair.

While your pasta is cooking, cook your meat (or warm it if using pre-packaged) and set to the side. I used Tyson’s fajita chicken strips. These can be warmed in a skillet or in the microwave and are handy when I need to throw together a meal in a hurry. In a large skillet, combine your sauce and meat, and simmer until thoroughly warmed to desired temperature.

Warm your taco shells according to package directions. I used I used Old El Paso Stand ‘n Stuff shells. These things are handy because I can sit them down on a flat surface and stuff!

Once the shells are warmed, layer pasta, sauce, and desired toppings into your taco shell. We used Parmesan cheese, but I’ll be eating my leftovers today with a mix of Parmesan and sharp cheddar.

The finished product:

I think next time I’ll add some salsa and/or hot sauce to give it some kick!

Here’s to hope

2009 was definitely “The Year of the Suck” (personally speaking). I’ve found myself looking forward to the new year in hope of a lot of positive changes coming our way. And I’d have to say that 2010 has had a promising start already. New Year’s Day we visited with friends and family that we haven’t seen in ages. On the 2nd we honored a friend who’s home on leave from Iraq with a LAN party. Yesterday we pretty much vegged and today I’m back at work, but I guess I can’t complain too much about that. I have a job, and know many who are still looking (including my husband).

I’ve spent the last couple months realizing and appreciating the things for which I am truly grateful. I have a husband and daughter who love me. We have a roof over our heads and food on the table. I have wonderful and supportive friends and loved ones. I have a job. I have hope … I hold on to faith that things will work out in the end — even if I can’t see how they will or am desperately afraid that they won’t.

This is the time of year most people make their resolutions, right? I see many things I don’t like about myself or my life that I’d like to change.

The “musts”

The “might actually get done soon”

The “would like’s”

So here’s to a new year, and to hope. I’ve got a lot of work ahead of me.

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