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A date which will live in infamy

I always think of my grandfather when this anniversary comes around. He enlisted in the United States Air Force shortly after the Pearl Harbor attacks. My mother still wears his wings pinned on her coat. Gramps never talked about his time spent serving our country, but did instill in me a great respect and admiration for our nation’s military. He’s been gone just over 15 years now, but I still think of him often. I pray for those with whom he served and their loved ones, and wonder — how many are left today? According to this article by Reuters, there are about 2,700 Pearl Harbor veterans still among us today.

And that number shrinks dramatically every year.

I never got the chance to thank my grandfather for his service. But if you have someone in your life who is serving or has served, or even just someone you see in passing, thank them for me.

A few recommended reads:

• National Geographic: Remembering Pearl Harbor
• BlackFive: Remember Pearl Harbor Dec 7 1941
• Hooah Wife & Friends: Pearl Harbor: 70 Years
• Michelle Malkin: Remembering Pearl Harbor: 70 years
• The Birmingham News: Pearl Harbor important then and now
• MSNBC/Reuters: Pearl Harbor veteran recalls bewilderment of attack

Pardon me, conductor. I’d like to get off the Crazy Train now.

I know I kept promising personal updates. I kept holding off thinking things may settle down for once and I’d have something new to report. Things between me and Jim haven’t really progressed forward all that much in the grand scheme of things. Sure, we have our really good days and on those days, he’s hopeful and things look and sound promising. Then we have our “not so good days”, which were pretty much like what we had this weekend.

We had a huge fight Friday night, then another one Saturday. He wants me to leave him. He says he sees no future for the two of us and the sooner we separate, the better. He even deleted me from his Facebook friends list (AGAIN), telling me that he never wanted me on there in the first place. When I asked what that meant, he had no explanation other than “I like my space.”

Um, EXCUSE ME?!

I pointed out that I never post on his wall. Rarely ever “like” his postings, and even more rarely comment on anything he posts. How much more space could I give him? Of course, I when I asked why he wanted his daughter on his Facebook friends list but not his WIFE, he got all defensive saying, “How can I answer a question like that?”

I don’t hear from him unless he needs something. PERIOD. No texts, no calls, no emails. NOTHING. He sleeps on the couch. We don’t speak at all on some days. Heaven forbid I ever bother him with what needs to be done around the house, how Jessie is doing in school, or how her behavior has been. He doesn’t want to hear anything, he just wants to be “left alone.” Pardon me, but how much more fucking space could I give him???

His mood swings are radical some days. One minute he’s fine, the next it’s all “Get away from me, don’t talk to me, I don’t want to hear from anybody.” God bless Jessie, she made the comment Saturday that she knows where she gets her fits from (she’s become quite the handful, but she’s a teenager and I would expect some attitude and unreasonable behavior once in a blue moon). I laughed, but it’s true. His fits are only bigger and more drama-king-ish.

I think I cried most of this past weekend and even though he never verbally apologized, it was visible that he felt bad. I think I’m more mad than anything today, but honestly I swear I’m about to lose my damn mind. I mean, what else can I do?

I brought up his medication. He claims that he spoke to our doctor about it “months ago” and it was changed at some point, but I’ve gone over his prescription history. The only thing I could figure is maybe she gave him some samples to use, and even that couldn’t have been more than a month or two’s worth at the very most. I’m not doctor, but I know these things can sometimes take SEVERAL MONTHS to show ANY sign of improvement!

What’s worse, I’ve gotten second opinions from other doctors I’ve talked to, and they have all suggested he talk to our doctor about getting his medication changed ASAP. But I can’t make HIM see that. He’s refusing to even consider talking to our doctor again. He’s refusing to consider counseling (yet promised me just a few months ago that he would try “everything possible” before considering us parting ways).

So I’m stuck in limbo … and that’s about it in a nutshell.

He still says he loves, but is not in love with me. He keeps telling me I need to find someone to make me happy while I’m still young, that he’s too broken to give me what I need.

Dammit, I just want my husband back.

How my husband does gardening

Jim’s been itching to replace the shrubbery in front of our house for a while. We’d talked about several things to replace them with, but honestly I wasn’t looking forward to the arduous task of digging everything up. These shrubs came with the house and there’s no telling how old they are. Then one day, one of our neighbors suggested a more “manly” way to rid our front of the unwanted plants … yank it up with a car.

More specifically, MY car!

Jim thought this was a great idea and brought home some heavy duty tow cables last week. While working on some paperwork yesterday, Jessie came up to my desk to give me the “damage report” (i.e. tattle on Daddy, LOL). I asked if anything was broken. We still had power, so that meant the roots weren’t deep enough to yank up the power lines, but those aren’t the only utility lines buried in front of the house. She says “Oh, everything’s fine, but the cable box moved some!”

I walked out onto the front porch to see for myself:

Notice the cable line running in and out of the roots, you can see it pretty well in the 3rd image. When I pointed that out to Jim, he says “Huh. Well, good thing that wasn’t yanked out. ”

It’s more funny than anything, I couldn’t even get mad at him for making such a mess or almost knocking out our phone, internet, AND cable tv. And I’m glad it didn’t mess up my car, LOL!

The pictures really speak to me though. They say “Jim was here.”

Happy 4th of July

I hope everyone is having a great holiday weekend. It’s rained here all weekend, so the headaches have been abundant, but luckily my meds have helped tremendously with that and have been able to enjoy most of my weekend.

This morning I read an email from one of my Cotillion sisters linking to an article by Dennis Prager outlining a ceremony suggestion for honoring the holiday. He’s succinctly summed up several key points about our Independence Day that I think a lot of people have forgotten, and I’d like to share them here.

Today, we take a few minutes to remember what the Fourth of July is about and to remind ourselves how fortunate we are to be Americans. Before America was a nation, it was a dream — a dream shared by many people, from many nations, over many generations.

It began with the Pilgrims in 1620, who fled Europe so that they could be free to practice their religion. It continued through the 17th century, as more and more people arrived in a place that came to be known as the New World. In this new world, where you were from didn’t matter; what mattered was where you were headed.

As more and more people settled, they started to see themselves as new people — Americans. They felt blessed: The land was spacious. The opportunities limitless. By 1776, a century and a half after the first Pilgrims landed, this new liberty-loving people was ready to create a new nation.

And on July 4 of that year, they did just that. They pronounced themselves to be free of the rule of the English king. We know this statement as the Declaration of Independence.

…

Three ideas summarize what America is all about. They are engraved on every American coin. They are “Liberty,” “In God We Trust” and “E Pluribus Unum.”

“Liberty” means that we are free to pursue our dreams and to go as far in life as hard work and good luck will take us.

“In God We Trust” means that America was founded on the belief that our rights and liberties have been granted to us by the Creator. Therefore they cannot be taken away by people.

“E Pluribus Unum” is a Latin phrase meaning “From Many, One.” Unlike other countries, America is composed of people of every religious, racial, ethnic, cultural and national origin — and regards every one of them as equally American. Therefore, “out of many (people we become) one” — Americans.

As we gather with friends and loved ones enjoying the festivities, let us also remember this holiday’s origin and meaning.

Mildred McDonough Thompson

My grandmother passed away quietly yesterday morning. My father called me at work just before lunch to relay the news. She had been ill for some time, and I’m going to miss her. Even though I’d been trying to prepare myself, it still hurts. Last night I came home to a very understanding husband and daughter to hug me and tell me that they love me very much. Despite the differences I’ve had with my parents, I’m going to see them this weekend and will be there to support my mother.

If you’re so inclined, please pray for my family.

Mildred McDonough Thompson,of Hueytown passed away peacefully on June 14,2011 at the age of 89. Mildred was born in Shelby Co., AL to James Robert McDonough and Blonnie Galloway McDonough, the sixth of their eight children. Mildred is survived by her brother, Billy C. McDonough of Pleasant Grove, AL. She was preceded in death by her husband, Sidney Bennett Thompson, whom she married in January of 1937.

Mildred is survived by her three daughters: Bonnie Thompson Bowman, Donna Thompson, and Linda (Paul) Sherer. She had been in the loving care of her daughter, Donna, at the time of her passing. She leaves 8 grandchildren, 10 great grandchildren and 1 great, great grandchild.

Mildred and Sidney lived the majority of their lives in Docena, AL where Mildred was active in the Baptist Church and community. She was an exquisite cook and accomplished seamstress and generously lent her talents to family and friends.

Mildred will be remembered as a true southern lady who always had a kind word and gentle touch. She embraced a loving relationship with all her children and grandchildren and made herself available for family and friends. Mildred touched many lives and her loving devotion will remain in the hearts of all who knew her.

Separation Anxiety

Y’all please excuse my lack of updates, as well as the lack of funnies for the last couple of weeks. I haven’t exactly been in a humorous mood lately. I’d like to say that things have gotten better, but in all honesty they haven’t. That which I’ve feared looks to be coming to fruition unless something drastic happens — a separation. I had thought things were getting better because we’d bought my new car, and replaced some large appliances in our kitchen. I thought the latter was a smart move, as it would add value to the house when/if we decided to put it back on the market again. I had thought these things meant that things were slowly progressing towards ‘better.’

Apparently I thought wrong … again.

Jim and I had a talk a couple weeks ago and he told me flatly that he still wanted to separate, and us committing to these things wasn’t because “we” were getting better, but because he thought they would make me happy. I would give everything up in a heartbeat if he asked that of me.

Then last week I brought up counseling again. He still believes that it would not help us, BUT he did agree to think about it. I thought that was a small victory. It wasn’t a yes, but it wasn’t a no either. A win, right?

Maybe. Then again, maybe not.

We had a huge fight last weekend. And we had two this past holiday weekend. It seems all we do now is fight. Even Jessie has noticed this. And it’s not over anything big. Each incident has been his overreacting to something, or him acting like a jerk and me calling him on it.

Last night I said something that I hoped I would never have to. I reminded him that he knew where the door was, implying that he was free to leave whenever he wanted to.

The truth is, I don’t want him to leave. But I can’t keep living this way either. I told him that I wasn’t going to let him continue to mistreat or bully me.

We didn’t speak again for the rest of the night, and I was out the door headed to work before he got up this morning.

I’m still really angry. I don’t know what his deal is recently. He’s snippy, always making snide or just plain rude comments. If I call him on it, he flies into asshole mode and we fight. I’m tired of being the first to apologize just to make things easier. But I’m tired of the fights too.

The thing is, if he were always like this … we never would have lasted this long. We’ve only been married three and a half years, but have been together for nearly nine.

A friend of mine advised me to be patient and let him work out his demons on his own; that he doesn’t mean to be taking it out on me. There have been far too many good things between us for me to throw this away, but how much is too much? But how long should I take this before putting my foot down and saying “You’re being a jerk, get your shit together or get out!”

Some days I’m still hopeful and think to myself “Hey, we’ll get through this and everything will be OK!” and others I think “Oh God, help us, I don’t see how this will ever work itself out.”

I just know this: I’m so very tired, and I miss my husband, my best friend, my hero, that sweet strong man that I married. I’m afraid I’ll never have him back.

Tears falling on Alabama

I’d like to start by saying: We’re OK! We really appreciate the emails, texts, Tweets, Facebook messages, and so on. We made it out with little damage and are really counting our blessings. Many in our neighboring communities did not fare so well. My beloved state and home is hurting right now, and there are many who did not make it through the storms. My heart goes out to all affected by yesterday’s destructive weather.

Gardendale made it out OK for the most part. Our sister city, Fultondale, looks like a war zone. Had the tornado that hit Birmingham been just a few miles northward, that would’ve been us. But it wasn’t, I have to keep telling myself. We were really lucky. We have many friends in other affected communities: Cullman, Tuscaloosa, Prattville, Warrior, Huntsville, downtown Birmingham. This particular system hit all the way up and down the state, leaving massive destruction in its wake. We had plenty of warning, but how do you prepare for an F5 tornado?

It just goes to show that no matter how prepared you think you are, it’s never enough. I’ve found that a smart phone is no replacement for a weather radio or battery-operated radio and stock of flashlights. That said, I have to give kudos to ABC33/40 for their nice weather app. I’m a big Fox6 fan, but found 33/40′s easier to use when we lost power. I was able to still get streaming video and weather updates …

… at least until the cell towers died.

But seriously, there’s still a lot of folks sitting in the dark right along with us; or worse, have no home to come back to. Please keep my fellow Alabamians in your thoughts and/or prayers. And for anyone looking for resources to help (or for help), here’s what I’ve found so far:

To donate to disaster victims in Alabama:

• Online: go to www.alredcross.org and click on the “donate now” link on the homepage
• Call: 1-800-RED-CROSS (1-800-733-2767) and you will be prompted to a menu that includes financial donations
• Text: “Red Cross” to 90999. A response will include two options for donations, either to Japan or for Disasters: domestic and spring storms.

To get in touch with local chapters:

• Northern Alabama http://www.redcrossrelief.org/
• Mid-Alabama (Birmingham) http://www.alredcross.org/general.asp?SN=8618&OP=8619&IDCapitulo=DRGYJ0Q5XZ
• Central Alabama (Montgomery) http://www.montgomeryarc.org/
• Southern Alabama http://www.redcrossalcoast.org/

Find a Red Cross shelter near you:

• Visit http://www.redcross.org/nss/

For storm survivors: Register yourself as “Safe and Well:”

• https://safeandwell.communityos.org/cms/index.php

Time for an upgrade

Jim and I had talked before about upgrading our cars, but it really wasn’t possible until after he’d been working again for a while. On a whim, we went out last weekend “to look” … and I fell in love.

We spent today trading in my old car, a 2003 Hyundai Santa Fe, for a newer model — a 2011 Hyundai Santa Fe Limited FWD V6.

Another red car, wheeeee!

Those are the pics I took on my iPhone while we were waiting on the financing team to process our credit application. Interestingly, my credit score has improved greatly since the last time we applied for credit on anything (the house, before our layoffs). Jim’s has gone up a little, but the damage from his ex is still a huge black spot on his record. (Thank you, you stupid bitch.)

We’re planning on upgrading his car when the 2012 models come out. We didn’t have to put any money down on mine, but most definitely will have to on his. Oh well, things are good. All in all, today was taxing but ended with great results. I came home with a tremendous headache and went right to bed (waking up about an hour ago, LOL), but now I’m sitting here at my desk looking over all of the documentation and driver’s manual.

I can’t wait to take it out tomorrow!

We had gone to Tameron Hyundai here in Birmingham and I have to say that they tried their damnedest to make the process as stress-free as possible. A GREAT change from our last car-buying experience, which was a complete nightmare.

Seriously, they treated us so well and were so great about everything that we will definitely be seeing them in about 9 months to do this again!

I’m ok, and that’s ok

I was perusing Tumblr and ran across this image:

I think that pretty much sums everything up. Things are better, but not fantabulous. We’re finally getting caught up financially and things are looking up as far as that goes. Personally, I would like to work towards putting our house back on the market and start paperwork on the house we wanted (YES! It’s still available!), but Jim’s not ready for that. And I don’t know if or when he will be. Us selling our house indicates promise for a future for “us” … and that’s still uncertain to him.

So, I’m still an emotional sponge. I soak up everything around me, and with the littlest bit of pressure, everything comes rushing out. But at least I’ve been able to hold it together a little better than before. Baby steps, I guess?

I know I haven’t posted much personal stuff … or really, anything at all, other than my weekly funnies. The truth is, I’m busy. We’re busy. And I try like mad to stay distracted or I’ll go out of my mind. (my ‘silly game‘ helps a lot with this, believe it or not, it’s been great therapy for me … in my opinion) And I try every day to find things that make me smile or laugh. Tumblr has been great for that. There’s SO MANY fan sites on there of things that I adore — from kittens and puppies to geeky sci-fi movies and tv shows.

So, like Jim and I have good days and bad days for us, I also have good days and bad days for me. And I’m working hard on keeping positive. The dark place I used to be in now has a little more light, and sometimes I think I can see better days ahead.

I still have hope.

Love and hugs to you all. I promise I’ll try to post more often. ♥

The State of the Blog

Time sure flies when you’re busy! I hadn’t meant to go this long before posting again. Whoops!

Things are going better. Christmas was great over all. I scored some great gifts from my hubby, spent time with friends and family, and was just grateful for … everything, really. Things aren’t fantabulous, but they are a lot better now than they have been over the last couple of years. Work is still uber-busy, which is a good thing. I have so many friends out of work, I know I’m very lucky to have a job right now. It’s not my dream job, but I like the place and I like my coworkers. Most importantly, it pays the bills and the benefits cover my family’s needs … I really can’t ask for much more than that, now can I?

I’m still spending a lot of my spare time gaming. Aion just had another significant update and the next “big” one is probably 6 months out. It’s fun, and I’ve met a lot of cool people. I have a few “real life” friends who play and I get to keep in touch with them that way. Plus Jess and I both play on the same server and it’s fun to just do that as a mother-and-daughter fun time.

Heck, I even created a whole separate blog just for my gaming stuff: Daevic Flux. (I didn’t want to dump all my game stuff on here because I know not all of y’all wanna see that )

So I guess I can’t complain about much going on lately. (Well, I could, but it wouldn’t do much good! LOL) I know I’ve been quiet … things are just busy, and busy is good, I think. Jess is growing up into a beautiful young lady right before my very eyes — and getting more like her father every day (oh boy, the attitude and that mouth, LOL!!!!). We have good days and bad days, but luckily things are mostly good.

Warmer weather would be nice to have though — NO MORE SNOW!!!!

So … y’all stay in and stay warm. Feel free to keep sending me funnies — they really do make my day.

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