Currently browsing: Barack Obama

Humpday Hilarities

This one comes courtesy of the lovely Miranda:

One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he’d been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, “I would like to go in and meet with President Obama.” The Marine replied, “Sir, Mr. Obama is not President and doesn’t reside here”. The old man said, “Okay”, and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, “I would like to go in and meet with President Obama”. The Marine again told the man, “Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Obama is not President and doesn’t reside here”.

The man thanked him and again walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying “I would like to go in and meet with President Obama”. The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, “Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Obama. I’ve told you already several times that Mr. Obama is not the President and doesn’t reside here. Don’t you understand?”

The old man answered, “Oh, I understand you fine, I just love hearing your answer!”

The Marine then snapped to attention, saluted and said, “See you tomorrow, Sir.”

And this one from my NP guildmate, Rose:

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine… and those who don’t.

As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - the bacteria found in feces.

In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine and beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember:
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health.

Therefore, it’s better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I’m doing it as a public service.

In case you didn’t know …

Courtesy of Blue Star Chronicles, here’s a great side-by-side comparison of Palin and Obama covering a few points of interest.

	Sarah Palin	Barack Obama
Office being sought	Vice President	President of the United States and Leader of the Free World
Full name	Sarah Louise Heath Palin	Barack Hussein Obama II
Nickname	Sarah Barracuda	Barry Obama; “The One”
Public opinion	Smoking hot in a “naughty librarian” sort of way	May be The Messiah
Age	44	48
Children	5: two sons, three daughters	2: two daughters
Religion/Church attendance	Evangelical Christian; attends Juneau Christian Center when in Juneau and grew up attending Wasilla Assembly of God	Attended Trinity United Church of Christ for 20 years, a “black liberation theology” church formerly led by Rev. Jeremiah Wright and governed according to the Black Value System
Current Job	Governor of Alaska	Junior Senator from Illinois
Previous Public Jobs	Mayor of Wasilla, AK (1996-2002); President of Alaska Conference of Mayors; City Council member (1992-1996)	State Senator (1997-2004); Community Organizer
Executive Experience	Governor for 2 years; Mayor for 10 years	None
Foreign Relations experience	Governor of state that borders two foreign countries (Canada and Russia)	Chaired Senate subcommittee on Europe but never called it into session; once gave a speech to 200,000 screaming Germans
Military Affairs experience	Commander in Chief of Alaska National Guard; Son is enlisted Infantryman in U.S. Army	None
Private Sector Experience	Sports reporter; Salmon fisherman	Associate at civil rights law firm
Speaking ability	Beautifully executed initial stump speech in Dayton, OH hockey arena without a teleprompter	An enter…wait–did you say without a teleprompter??
Spouse’s name	Todd Mitchell Palin	Michelle LaVaughn Robinson Obama
Spouse’s occupation	Salmon fisherman; Former North Slope production supervisor for BP Oil	Vice President for Community and External Affairs at University of Chicago Hospitals; former Associate Dean of Student Services at the University of Chicago; former Executive Director for the Chicago office of Public Allies; former Assistant to the Mayor of Chicago; former associate at Sidley Austin law firm
Reaction to spouse’s political success	Quit 17-year BP oil job when BP became involved in natural gas pipeline negotiations with wife’s administration	Promoted and given 160% pay raise by UofC hospitals within months of husband’s election to U.S. Senate; Employer received $1,000,000.00 federal earmark, requested by husband, after her promotion
Coolest thing about Spouse	Tesoro Iron Dog Snowmobile race champion (longest snowmobile race in the world); In 2008, while defending his championship, was injured when he was thrown 70 feet from his machine. He was sent to the hospital but still finished in fourth place	Sister of Oregon State University head basketball coach Craig Robinson
Most Courageous Moment in Public Service	Resigned in protest from position of Ethics Commissioner of Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission in order to expose legal violations and conflicts of interest of Alaska Republican leaders, including the former state Attorney General and the State GOP Chairman (who was also an Oil & Gas Commissioner), who was doing work for the party on public time and supplying a lobbyist with a sensitive e-mail.	Gave an anti-Iraq war speech to a crowd of anti-Iraq war demonstrators in Hyde Park in 2002
In Current Office Because…	Upset sitting Governor in GOP primary due to public support for her efforts to clean up corrupt government establishment	Republican opponent, who was leading in the polls, was forced to leave race after unsealing of divorce records exposed a sex scandal
Theme:	Change and Clean Government	Hope and Change; “Bringing Change from Outside Washington”
What they’ve done to live that theme:	Replaced entire Board of Agriculture and Conservation because of conflict of interest; Resigned from position of Ethics Commissioner of the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission in order to expose corruption among members of own party	Selected 36-year incumbent Senator as running mate
Family Affairs	May have removed State Public Safety Commissioner as part of effort to protect sister in messy divorce and child custody battle	Often says, “I am my brother’s keeper”; Brother lives in a hut in Nairobi on $12 per year
Union affiliation	Union member, married to Union member	Endorsed by a union
Iraq and Troop Support	Formerly (pre-surge) critical of apparent lack of long-term strategy for Iraq; Visited wounded U.S. soldiers in Germany; visited AK National Guard soldiers deployed to Kuwait; Son deploying to Iraq on 9/11/08 as Army infantryman	Gave an anti-Iraq war speech to a crowd of anti-Iraq war demonstrators; almost visited wounded troops in Germany, but decided to go shopping in Berlin instead
Bipartisan/”maverick” credentials	Married to a non-Republican; Exposed corruption within own party; Campaigned for Lt. Gov. Sean Parnell against corrupt GOP congressman Don Young; Called out Sen Ted Stevens (R-AK) to “come clean” about financial dealings that are under fed investigation	Talks about bipartisanship
Legislative Record	Passed a landmark ethics reform bill; Used veto to cut budgetary spending; Prevented “bridge to nowhere” that would have cost taxpayers $400 million dollars.	Voted “present” over 100 times as IL state senator
How they dealt with corrupt individuals in home city/state	Exposed legal violations and conflicts of interest of Alaska Republican leaders; Campaigned against corrupt GOP Representative; Ran against and defeated corrupt incumbent governor in GOP primary	Launched political career in home of unrepentant domestic terrorist Bill Ayers (and still refers to him as a part of “mainstream Democratic Chicago”; Purchased home with help of convicted felon Tony Rezko
Guns	Lifetime member of NRA and avid hunter; video can be found on YouTube of Palin firing an M4 at a military firing range	Worked to pass legislation in Illinois that would prevent all law-abiding citizens from owning firearms
Earmarks	Opposed “Bridge to Nowhere” project; Said Alaska should avoid relying on federal money for projects; Campaigned against porker Don Young (R-AK) in 2008 primary	Secured federal earmarks for wife’s employer and for campaign bundlers
Abortion	Pro life; gave birth to 5th child knowing that he would have Down’s syndrome	Pro-choice; only IL state sen. to speak against the Born Alive Infant’s Protection Act, which required medical care to be given to live infants who survived abortions
Energy	Believes energy independence is a matter of national security; For drilling in ANWR, which is in her state	Says Americans should “get tune-ups” and “check tire pressure”; Says “we can’t expect the world to be okay with” our use of heating and air conditioning
Environment	Chair of Alaska Conservation Commission (2003-4); Announced plans to create sub-cabinet group of advisors to address climate change and reduce greenhouse gas emissions in AK	Talks about the environment a lot
Athletic prowess	Runs marathons	Has reporters tailing him to the gym

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s funny comes courtesy of my mother:

Post Turtle

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old Texas rancher, whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his bid to be our President.

The old rancher said, “Well, ya know, Obama is a ‘post turtle’.” Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a ‘post turtle’ was. The old rancher said, “When you’re driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a ‘post turtle’.”

The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor’s face, so he continued to explain. “You know he didn’t get up there by himself, he doesn’t belong up there, he doesn’t know what to do while he is up there, and you just wonder what kind of a person put him up there.”

Humpday Hilarities

These two funny bits come courtesy of Cookie:

Sportsmanship……

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?” The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

“Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?” The little boy nodded yes.

“So,” the coach continued, “I’m sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?” Again the little boy nodded.

He continued, “And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it’s not good sportsmanship to call your coach ‘a dumb ass’ is it?” Again the little boy nodded.

“Good,” said the coach. “Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother.”

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And the best one:

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Got married last month.
Wife knows everything.

And this one comes courtesy of my mother:

A teacher in Elmira , New York asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny. The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different..

Little Johnny says, ‘Because I’m not an Obama fan.’ The teacher says, ‘Why aren’t you an Obama fan?’ Johnny says, ‘Because I’m a Republican.’ The teacher asks him why he’s a Republican. Little Johnny answered, ‘Well, my mom’s a Republican and my dad’s a Republican, so I’m a Republican’ The teacher asks, ‘If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?’

With a big smile, Little Johnny replies, ‘That would make me an Obama fan.’

Odd that this is still an issue?

I was perusing my feeds this morning and saw a link to an article on Michelle Malkin’s site covering the recent buzz about Barack Obama’s birthplace and lack of birth certificate.

Jeez, I thought this had been settled already?

Apparently not. So what is the big deal? What is it Obama does not want us to see?