Currently browsing: kids

The things we realize once we’re grown

How many times have I said, “If I only knew then what I know now … ”

Jessie and I had a long talk yesterday afternoon about some of the kids in her class. She’s like any kid and gets the normal bit of teasing from the class clown who likes to poke at anyone and everyone within yelling distance, and outside of the bullying incidents, they’ve been nothing big. However, apparently one of her classmates lately has been picking on her because she spends her time divided between two families: her mother’s and her father’s. She told me that she tried explaining to this kid that she can’t help that she has to live this way, and told me, “She just doesn’t understand what it’s like for me. I’m different because of this, and nobody likes you when you’re different.”

Oh boy, how I can relate!

Luckily my folks divorced when I was very young, so I don’t remember my biological father at all and never had to deal with having to shuffle back and forth between homes. Unfortunately, Jessie doesn’t have that luxury. And while I have no doubt in my mind that she loves us all very dearly, I think she wishes sometimes for a “normal” family setting — e.g., one family, one home.

Of all the things I can help her handle — math homework, studying for tests, learning her way around the kitchen — this is one of those things where I feel powerless to help. I’ve always tried to show Jessie how much I sympathize with her by sharing my own experiences, and I hope that she understands that she’s not alone. It tears me up to think that for even one moment she may feel as worthless as I once did. I can’t feel the pain for her. All I can do is advise her as best I know how, offer lots of hugs and support, encourage her to share her experiences with me and her mother and father, and hope that she’ll see that one day that she CAN get past this and move on to better things.

And maybe, just maybe, those who have done wrong to her will look back and realize the harm that causes.

I’ve spent a little time the past few days catching up on my feeds, and PostSecret had an entry that really hit home when I was reading over it just now …

I think I’ll print that out and save for Jessie to see when she gets back to our house tomorrow.

Humpday Hilarities

Note: There will likely be no Humpday Hilarities next week as I’ll be on vacation!

This funny bit is courtesy of my mother:

The Truth

He’d been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked, “Grandma, what’s that thing called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?”

She was a little taken aback, but she decided to just tell him the truth. “It’s called ’sexual intercourse’, darling”.

Little Tony just said, “Oh, OK,” and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, “Grandma, it isn’t called ’sexual intercourse.’ It’s called ‘bunk beds’, and Jimmy’s mom wants to talk to you!”

This one came from my mother-in-law:

Lost Churches of Louisiana

One of the local television stations in South Louisiana aired an interview with a woman from New Orleans . The interviewer was a woman from a Boston affiliate. She asked the New Orleans woman how such total and complete devastation of the churches in the area had affected their lives.

Without hesitation, the woman replied, “I don’t know about all those other people, but we haven’t gone to Churches in years. We gits all our chicken from Popeye’s.”

The look on the interviewer’s face was priceless.

Meme Time!

Teresa sent me this and I thought I’d post here for any of y’all that want to follow along …

Feel free to post your results in the comments!

Because I’m not her mother

I’ve touched on this subject several times, but never really took the time to go in-depth. It started when Jim and I first started dating and became serious — he introduced me to Jessie. I instantly fell in love with this child (who had just turned 5 at the time) and to this day love her as if she were my very own.

From the beginning Jessie’s mother was averse to the idea of another “mother figure” being in her life and strongly objected to Jessie viewing me as an authority figure. At one point, Jessie called me “Momma”, but her mother pitched fits and would berate Jessie until she stopped. Growing up in a tumultuous household, I understand and can relate — but it does not ease my pain.

I have always tried to remain civil or friendly to Jessie’s mother for Jessie’s sake, and try very hard not to say anything negative against her when she’s around. However, that woman has no idea of the contempt and resentment I hold for her for those actions. To this day, it still brings tears to my eyes and is a very sore subject with me. Her mother saw fit to encourage Jessie to question my authority and if I exerted any, Jessie would quickly counter with “You’re not my mother!”

I never blamed Jessie — she’s a child and had no idea how much that hurt. But her mother is a grown woman and knows better.

Granted, things are getting better with Jessie, as far as my role as an authority figure goes; however, I have found now that there are bigger more serious roadblocks than her mother. It seems to me like little insignificant things — the kind of things that you wouldn’t think would prove difficult for a stepparent (or at least I didn’t until now). For instance, Jessie is on my insurance. I handle all of the paperwork and finances for our family — yet, I cannot even sign a form to check her out of school, approve field trips, find out how many days she’s missed, or even to send medicine when she’s got a cold. (and not sick enough to be out of school)

For example, I had to check Jessie out of school for an orthodontist appointment a few weeks back. Usually I make the appointments for in the morning, but she had a test that day and I had it changed to afternoon so she could be at school most of the day. I went to the school office and told them who I was and why I was there. I was told that because I am not her biological parent or a legal guardian, that I would have to wait while they call my husband to get an OK for her to check out. Never mind that I am the first on the emergency contact list, and that every time she’s gotten sick at school, she has specifically requested they call ME. Never mind that *I* am the one who handles everything in the event of emergencies. I asked one of the office staff why wouldn’t I be able to do anything because I’m her stepmother and was told that it was Jefferson County rules. This turned out to be false, as Jim called the county office. However, it seems we’ll need to meet with the principal to discuss this, as it’s actually HER rule.

No biggie in the grand scheme of things, rules are rules, and the school principal is a very nice woman who has worked with us on various issues before.

But it’s not just the school thing that bothers me. I have been trying for months to get Jessie’s mother to cancel her old insurance because Jessie is now covered on mine. I nagged this woman for the last 6 months straight and she STILL won’t do it! Today I took it upon myself to call the state office — it’s state-sponsored insurance (or “free” insurance, as her mother calls it) — and was told that because I was not her biological parent, they could not speak to me.

I can understand that … I have worked in the health care industry for over 10 years and understand all too well about HIPAA rules and PHI. However, I offered to have my insurance company’s office fax over her current coverage as proof that she’s covered, and that the old coverage could be canceled — which as I understand it, would have to happen, as kids on this insurance cannot be covered by anyone else, or it nullifies the coverage. The CSR refused my offer and I was told flat out that Jessie’s mother would have to contact them — I know that THAT will not happen because the woman is lazy and irresponsible!

So here I am typing up a cancellation request for Jessie’s mother. I’ll leave it for her to sign and I’ll pick it up later this week and fax it in to the insurance office. I figure if I do most of the work FOR HER, then she might help me out a little … but I digress …

I know it differs from state to state, but I have been wondering for a while what my rights ARE as a stepparent. I ran across this article in Time magazine, and though it’s a couple years old, reading it did not give me any new information that I hadn’t come across on my own. Something tells me that I’ll probably have to consult a lawyer to find out exactly what rights I *DO* have (if any!?).

Her mother insisted on splitting legal custody with Jim, but refuses to take any responsibility (financial or otherwise) when it comes to Jessie’s welfare. The fact of the matter is, she lives with us the majority of the time. She’s on my insurance. We buy the majority of her clothing and other needs. We pay all of her school-related costs and fees. We paid for her glasses and will be paying for her braces (the insurance covers only a small percentage of these and even though her mother offered at one time to help out with these costs, she now refuses).

The thought that really scares me is: if something were to ever happen to Jessie, and if Jim and her mother could not be reached, I cannot authorize any medical assistance.

Seriously … how screwed up is that?

I understand why it is the way it is … but it still breaks my heart. Jessie has a mother who has all the parental rights, but refuses to take responsibility — and here I am trying desperately to take responsibility, and I have no parental rights.

We need more like her

My Cotillion sister, Conservative Belle, passed this on to me. A very touching story, and since Memorial Day is coming up, it fits nicely for that. Even better, this story is TRUE.

In September of 2005, a social studies schoolteacher from Arkansas did something not to be forgotten. On the first day of school, with permission of the school superintendent, the principal, and the building supervisor, she took all of the desks out of the classroom. The kids came into first period, they walked in; there were no desks. They obviously looked around and said, “Where’s our desks?”

The teacher said, “You can’t have a desk until you tell me how you earn them.”

They thought, “Well, maybe it’s our grades.”

“No,” she said.

“Maybe it’s our behavior.”

And she told them, “No, it’s not even your behavior.”

And so they came and went in the first period, still no desks in the classroom. Second period, same thing. Third period. By early afternoon television news crews had gathered in the class to find out about this crazy teacher who had taken all the desks out of the classroom. The last period of the day, the instructor gathered her class.

They were at this time sitting on the floor around the sides of the room. She said, “Throughout the day no one has really understood how you earn the desks that sit in this classroom ordinarily. Now I’m going to tell you.”

She went over to the door of her classroom and opened it, and as she did 27 U.S. veterans, wearing their uniforms, walked into that classroom, each one carrying a school desk. And they placed those school desks in rows, and then they stood along the wall. By the time they had finished placing the desks, those kids for the first time I think perhaps in their lives understood how they earned those desks.

Their teacher said, “You don’t have to earn those desks. These guys did it for you. They put them out there for you, but it’s up to you to sit here responsibly, to learn, to be good students and good citizens, because they paid a price for you to have that desk, and don’t ever forget it.“

If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you read it in English, thank a soldier.

We need more teachers like her. Hell, we need more stories like this … I’m sure there’s a TON of them out there!

Humpday Hilarities

Today’s slice o’ funny bits comes courtesy of one of my co-workers:

Can you imagine yourself to be the nun that is sitting at her desk grading these papers all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure!

Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you know the Bible even a little, you’ll find this hilarious!

It comes from a catholic elementary school test. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by children. They have not be en retouched or corrected. Incorrect spelling has been left in.

1. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.

2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.

3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.

4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.

5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.

6. Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles.

7. Moses led the Jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients .

8, The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.

9. The first commandments was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada . Then Joshua led the Hebrews In The Battle of Geritol.

12. The greatest miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.

14. Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.

17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you.He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.

20. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

21. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.

22. The Epistels were the wives of the apostles.

23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

24. St. Paul cavorted to christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marraige.

25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony

For Moms

Mother’s Day is coming up and a friend sent me to a site showing the ring that her kids are giving her for Mother’s Day. (actually I think “Dad” is paying for it, as they’re 6 and 8, LOL!) It’s very sweet, they told her about the mother’s ring that they picked out and showed her the catalog, and then told her that “it’s a surprise!”

Kids are so cute!

Hers will look something like that, but will have the kids and hubby’s names. I thought it was very sweet and have thought about getting something similar for myself.

Jessie asked me last weekend what I wanted for Mother’s Day … I said, “A clean house.” She laughed and said, “No, really!”

I think she thought I was kidding.

Kids schmids

I totally blame Rachel for this one …

24

5 year olds are nothing … come back and see me when they’re Jessie’s age!