© Nicki Faulk / Www.Nitallica.Org

"Dread Silence"

I was hoping for a sign that would contradict what I was fearing.  I saw your silence as your way of saying, "I really don't want to deal with you", "I don't want you around", etc.  It's been my experience in the past as to what that means, so I assumed that you're no different.  I was so sure that you'd reply and prove me wrong, but I guess that's me getting my hopes up too high.

I tried to warn you that I was like this.  My signature reads: "I'm smart, strong-willed, and attractive.  If that scares you, tough shit!"  Well, I believe most of that to be true, and quite frankly, few men stick around long enough to put up with me.  I guess that's why I find it surprising that men on the net are so intrigued by me ... because they don't know the half of me -- my fears, the anger, everything that I hide from the outside world.

That's why I put up a barrier, to protect myself not only from others, but also from me.

Maybe that's why I invest so heavily into Love.  It's something that's supposed to be pure and warm and all that is good.

I love so wrecklessly, hoping that one day I'll stumble upon that which will make me happy, and praying that I will have the eyes to see it.