© Nicki Faulk / Www.Nitallica.Org

"My Darkest Knight"

I sit and think to myself "does this boy really love me?  I mean, *could* he?"  And my answer is Yes, always Yes.  He loves me and I love him.  I've felt things that I thought I would never feel again for another -- things that I swore not to reveal again, to avoid that bittersweet hurt that I've come to know so well.

I built such a wall around me, so as to avoid that hurt, that pain.  No more would I cry out for that which I thought I had, but discovered to be false.  I would chase Love, and it eluded me every time.  Yet in the heart and mind of this boy, Love has found me, and now keeps me its willing captive.

Not so long ago, someone from the past tried to reclaim me as his, and had I not felt such strong passion for this boy, I might have very well fallen victim to the snake's charms yet once again.  Lies spoken, memories from times before ... times I'd rather not re-live, thank you.  You don't love me, Snake, you only love who you THINK I am.  I love the boy.  I am his, and he is mine.  Nothing you say or do will ever change that ... DEAL WITH IT!

But loving this boy, my darkest knight, has made me see things that I knew all along, just ignored or overlooked.  In this, I am learning more about him everyday, along with more about myself as well.  He touches a part of me that has gone unstirred for a very long time.  He is my match in every way.  My equal, my love.  Oh how long I would yearn for someone like him to come and rescue me.  A dark knight, fair and beautiful inside and out, with eyes like that of a child and man in one.

I would cry myself to sleep some nights, thinking it impossible that I could find someone like him, thinking it impossible that someone like him could love someone like me.  No, I'm not so different, but for a long time I believed that I was.  Put down, pushed aside, I believed I had less to offer and never questioned that ... only to grow up and find that they were wrong, and everything I knew was right.  Beauty IS only skin deep, and I've grown to value a beautiful mind and soul more than a pretty outer shell.  My darkest knight has the sharpest wit I know, and the most beautiful eyes and smile to match.  He is my jewel to treasure and admire.  He is something I'll keep for always.  He is, afterall, my darkest knight.