© Nicki Faulk / Www.Nitallica.Org

"Surf and Thoughts - II"

It's a wonder what endless miles of ocean, four days alone, and a bottle of vodka can do for this bleeding heart.

I'm reminded of a time long ago, in another life, when I was surrounded by a beach similar to this one, and I was enveloped in the arms of a man I once loved.  The sound of the waves take me back.

I sigh and wonder: if I had stayed, where would I be at this moment?  He moved on, found another, and they are very happy ... why can't I find that?  At the risk of starting another pity party for myself, I pour myself another drink, and light up a smoke.  I'm gonna pay for it tomorrow, but right now these vices keep me company.

Night falls and I think of him again.  He has invaded my dreams and waking thoughts for the past three days now.  Why must I torture myself by fantasizing about something which can never be?  Perhaps it is that part of human nature where we all want that which we cannot have?  Perhaps ... but for now I must be content with a small voice, a few pictures, and dreams of warm, strong arms, and the most beautiful brown eyes I've ever seen, with a smile to match.  I compare every approaching suitor to him, so why can't I just have him instead?  I fear for settling for that which I do not Love, leaving me more misery.

Dreams of his smile, embrace, and soothing voice haunt me still.  Though he will always be with me in my heart, I would gladly risk it all, to have him in my arms.

Kindred souls we are, so perfectly matching in our pains, I could show him Love.  If only he would let me.